Date #3…Time to STOP Being Superficial

I would never say I am a superficial person. I would always say I appreciate everyone in their own uniqueness. But when it comes to dating, we all have a tendency to be a little superficial. Whether its hair color, eye color, height or weight we always have a “thing” we are  concerned on when it comes to dating. For me, it’s always been height.

I can’t help it really, I am on the tall side for a girl. 5’8…and with my beloved heels almost 6′. So naturally I lean towards guys that are taller as well.

Date #3 was a former co-worker that reached out to me shortly after I started my 50 first dates experiment.  And yes, he is shorter than me.

We met up for drinks and dinner at a bar in North Scottsdale, Yard House. We had good conversation, laughed a lot. Prior to us meeting up, he knew I was a little self conscious about our height difference and assured me it didn’t bother him. He actually encouraged me to wear heels (I opted for flats instead, but I liked his confidence).

Throughout our date he was very complimentary about many things in my life. My career, my personality and my looks. I sat there saying thank you and returning many of his compliments as he too has a great outlook on life. At one point in our evening he brought up the big pink elephant in the room…. our height difference. He told me he is who he is, I am who I am. Physically we can’t change too much, but we can control our outlooks on life, the people we come across and the things that make us happy.

I certainly agreed to all of that, but remained a little nervous about how “big”  I feel when we stood up next to one another. The longer we enjoyed our evening though, I realized that it really didn’t matter or stop me from laughing and smiling throughout the night.

After our night was over I realized I had a great time and in the end the height difference didn’t matter too much. He appreciated me for who I am, who I was and who I will continue to grow to be as a person.

I have always had a hard time allowing people to compliment me on my looks, my physical features and those little quarks I hate; that somehow others find endearing. While looking back on Date #3, I can certainly say this is something I need to work on. I am sure many of you out there will agree that our insecurities (whether it be height, weight or that weird freckle on your nose) are sometimes the hardest for you to see at positive attributes.

My new resolution after Date #3 is to stand tall be proud and wear whatever shoes I want no matter who I am going out with. If it doesn’t bother them, why should it bother me? Hello gorgeous 3″ red heels… you will be getting a lot more use in the near future!

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Date #2… Don’t Overlook Anyone

When I first posted my blog, a lot of my girlfriends reached out congratulating me on a great idea to get out and meet people. These comments were expected and anticipated. What I didn’t anticipate was some of my male friends reaching out and expressing interest in participating. Date #2,  was just the case. A friend from my college years.

At first I wasn’t 100% sure he really wanted to be blogged about, but he agreed. Looking back on our date together I am glad he did.

Date #2 and I are both from the Pacific Northwest. He currently lives in Portland, OR. I went home to visit family recently and agreed to meet up with him for a drink and dinner. The days leading up to our date we caught up over text and phone calls.

Even though it had been four years since we last talked, we picked right up with friendly banter, good laughs and great conversation. For our date we met up at a small bar in downtown. The bar, Secret Society, is in a part of Portland that I love but rarely get to visit when I am home. A bar I would have probably never stopped at, been to or visited had it not been for him.  Its one of those places you feel the full pulse of the city.

While we caught up and talked I started thinking… “Why did I not look twice at him four years ago? Why was he automatically a ‘friend?’ ”

Our night together was great. We enjoyed two local Portland artists that performed in the bar and shared about our lives over the last four years.We sat in the small bar that was full of warmth and energy. The dark lit bar was the perfect place to just enjoy and talk with one another.  After our night together he walked me to my car, I waited for the heat to crank up (yes it was a balmy 60 degrees and this desert girl was dying) and sat there for a moment thinking about my own question… why was he just a “friend” four years ago?

Prior to this date, the last time I saw him was when he was a groomsmen in a wedding and I was a bridesmaid. One of his best friends (the groom) and one of my best friends (the bride), got married four years ago. Since our date I have tried to replay that wedding and the events of it in my head. Did I blow him off? Was I rude? Did I just count him out because he was one of my best friend’s husband’s friends??

As you can tell, I beat myself over the question “Why?” Looking back I don’t have an answer. He is a great guy, a guy that I probably would have a great time dating. But now we are geographically distant and in new phases of our lives. From this I will take away one thing… be open, look, acknowledge and be willing to like people you cross paths with.

I wonder how many great guys I have come across that I haven’t given enough credit, enough thought or the time of day. I would never consider myself one of “those girls” who is rude… but I am one of “those girls” who is completely oblivious to interest from the guys I come across.

Hopefully I haven’t missed out on a chance to meet a great guy or find an amazing new friend because I haven’t noticed someone’s interest or taken the time to really get to know them. Next time, I promise to look a little harder, notice the little signs and embrace the compliments when I get them.

For all you ladies out there reading… I hope you learn from my lesson and give every guy that smiles at you a little credit. And give yourself that credit it too!

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Date #1….It’s All About the Little Things

As I was getting ready to head out the door for my first date, I did the normal “girl” things; check what I was wearing, fix the hair and of course brush the teeth. First impressions are always important, no matter the situation.

Date #1 took place in Arizona with a very nice guy we will refer to as Mr. X (I agreed to protect his identity for the blog). Mr. X and I met up for drinks at a local bar. I met him outside and was happy to see he had taken the time to make a good first impression (brushed hair, nice clothes, etc. etc).

When we went to enter the bar, he opened the door for me. Many people would probably not event notice, but I did. He pulled my chair out for me and even helped me hang my purse below the bar on the convenient, yet hard to locate, hook.

At this moment it hit me, it’s about the little things. So many times in life we are caught up wandering around and moving so quickly, we don’t notice the small gestures that make an evening pleasant. Growing up we were always told as females that chivalry was important.  As the world sped up over our lives, those gestures of chivalry have slowly disappeared. On Date #1 chivalry returned to my world. A return that was very much welcomed.

At the end of our evening I found I counted how many times I said thank you to him (it was about 15) for doing the “right thing.” He walked me to my car and asked why I thanked him so much. When I explained, he laughed. He told me that his mother and grandmother would kill him if they ever found he didn’t do these small things for the women that come in and out of his life.

While driving home I started to replay the past couple days of life. I realized that no one had opened a door for me, said thank you or even flashed a friendly smile at the grocery store.  At that moment I challenged myself to embody chivalry. I now make an effort to hold doors for the seniors I come across in my day, say hello to a stranger passing by and say thank you to anyone that does something nice for me, no matter how small the task.

The response of many people is some of shock and others of appreciation. We all have the few seconds to spare and the energy to spend on making a small gesture. If I can make someone’s day a little better by smiling or by holding a door; Why Not? I challenge all of you to do the same.

To all the gentlemen out there… chivalry is VERY nice, the little gestures make a HUGE impact on the first impression. To Mr. X’s mother and grandmother; THANK YOU! I now have the appreciation again for these small things in the dating world. And I hope that I can return the favor frequently to those I come across in my daily life.

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A new chapter, a new life, a new date?

Looking for her first dateThe story: After a recent break-up of a long term relationship, there seems only one way to move on; meet new people. Over the next 100  plus days I will lean on my friends to help me find 50 first dates.

Time frame: September 13- December 30
The challenge
: 50 first dates little over 100 days
The subject/the writer/the experimenter
: Me
The matchmakers
: My friends, my colleagues and referrals
The circumstances
: The 50 first dates must be willing to be blogged about and possible picture taking

: Single
: Phoenix, AZ
Male counterparts for first dates
Height: 5’8
Build: Average
– Normal
: Blue
: Blond
Likes: Sports, Music, a Day in the Sun, Reading, Working Out, Love to cook, Traveling, New adventures!

Background: In the Marketing/PR field for sports and entertainment. Recently lost a job, but started my own consulting business. I am active in a local children’s charity.

Facts: I never sit still. I love having places to go, things to do. I enjoy making new friends. I like challenges. Hosting parties and events is my passion.

27- 40
The city: Phoenix, AZ
Religion/Race: No set requirements
Build: Over 5’8 or willing to date a taller lady.

Must be fun, flexible and willing to plan the date.
What am I looking for: Someone to have good conversation, a good night/day out with, fun. Sports and music enthusiasts are encouraged (but not required). Active and enjoys a healthy life style. Always seeking new adventures, social and enjoys a good time.

How to apply?
Send an email with a photo and brief bio of your suggestion to… the rest is up to me!

Stay tuned… Look for updates and date recaps coming soon!

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